The nfl owners have voted 32-0 to opt out of the Collective Bargaining Agreement they signed on to in March of 2006.

I have absolutely no idea what this means, if it’s good or bad, if it will affect the price of gas or make my penis larger. Smarter people than me have explained that there may be an uncapped year in 2010 because of this, and a lock-out in 2011. And in 2012 the world will come to an end according to the ancient Maya.

So at least, if the NFL does go away, we will all soon die and be put out of our misery.

Apparently, the owners voted to opt out early because they were unhappy with the players getting almost 60% of revenue. They say stadium costs and other factors mean they need a larger proportion of overall revenue to continue generating said revenue. Of course they explained this is in very official-sounding language, with no “nah-nahs” or “so theres” or “we’re gonna tell mom if you don’t give us our moneys.” Their statement reads in part:

A collective bargaining agreement has to work for both sides. If the agreement provides inadequate incentives to invest in the future, it will not work for management or labor. And, in the context of a professional sports league, if the agreement does not afford all clubs an opportunity to be competitive, the league can lose its appeal.

The statement does not indicate exactly which clubs have no opportunity to be competitive…but I assume they meant the Cardinals, since they always suck. Of course that’s not the players’ fault…except for the players on the Cardinals who need to play better so the team will not drag down the rest of the league.

Actually, the whole thing sounds quite typical of the way sports team owners talk whenever they’re trying to get a bigger slice of the pie. They always claim that, if things don’t change, the whole league is going to collapse and we’re all going to be deprived of this diversion we love so much, and it will be the fault of the other side who could’ve stopped it from happening but were too greedy.

Of course this never works. When baseball owners say they’re losing money and must therefore do something drastic, the public always ends up thinking they’re just bastards. And even when it’s the players voting to strike, the public still ends up blaming the owners, and thinking the players were just standing up for themselves.

The public always sides with the players, mainly because the players are not all old gray-haired white men. It makes no difference to the public that the players are also absurdly rich…in the battle between the absurdly rich and the obscenely, stinkingly, immorally rich, the average fan will always side with the merely absurdly rich.

That’s the way of the universe. The Maya predicted this too. And also foretold the appearance of the five-dollar foot-long. The Maya were very wise. And they could run a long time without getting tired. At least they could in that Mel Gibson movie.

Perhaps, if we translate more Mayan writings, we will discover exactly what is to come between the owners and players in the NFL. And maybe we will also find out what exactly happened to make Matt Walsh hate Bill Belichick so much. I’m guessing spurned homosexual advances were involved, but I don’t have any videotape to prove it.

Share This

Tags: Bill Belichick, Cardinals, Matt Walsh, nfl

Related SportsWrap Posts:

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 20th, 2008 at 9:48 am and is filed under basketball, pro sports, DanZ. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.