I’ve been using Scribd a lot recently and think it’s terrific… here is gem - a list of the 10 worst movie posters ever. My only major argument is Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Hercules in New York…. don’t ever rip of vintage Arnold:
Much like a movie’s trailer, the sole purpose of the poster is to entice you into seeing a particular film. When properly designed, they can draw in scores of viewers to an otherwise average (or below average) movie. And when they’re botched, well, bad posters can also serve as the final nail in the coffin for an impending box-office flop.
The ten movies listed below constitute the worst movie posters that I’ve ever seen. For various reasons, they not only fail to generate interest in the movie, but they also act to actually discourage viewers from seeing a particular film.
I’ve tried to stick to bigger movies for my list, as I didn’t want to penalize a film for having no advertising budget. However, a few were so inept that they demanded inclusion regardless of their bankroll.
Anyway, enough talk. Let’s get down to it.
10. Corky Romano
I don’t have anything against Chris Kattan. In fact, I found a lot of his skits on Saturday Night Live to be pretty funny. This poster, however, is anything but.
The look on Romano’s face is somewhere between orgasmic bliss and a man who’s in the process of taking a massive bowel movement. And it’s further emphasized by the fact that it’s the only freakin’ image on the poster. Was Chris Kattan really such a star at the time that they felt they could promote a movie with just his insanely grinning mug?
With a color scheme that likely prompted a lawsuit from Hulk Hogan, the poster is moronic and not the least bit funny.
Who is Corky Romano?
Who gives a damn?
9. Brick
This is a perfect example of what happens when a marketing campaign tries to be a little too clever. I cringe whenever I imagine some overly ambitious designer standing up in a meeting and saying, “I have a great idea. Why don’t make a poster for each of the lead characters, but then scratch out their images?”
News flash. If you’re going to scratch them out, why did you bother to shoot them in the first place?! Oh, I guess it was so you could tease the audience with the very top of Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s head and the corner of his shoulder. Yep, that’s really poignant, you bastards.
They throw the character’s name up there, but don’t even give you a face to put with the name. For that matter, they don’t even tell you what actor plays the part. And then there’s the clever little quote which is, I suppose, meant to give you some insight into the scratched-out blank in front of you.
“Thick as what all,” it reads. I’ve got news for you; I don’t even know what the hell that’s supposed to mean. Is he dense? Buff? Jesus Christ, I haven’t even seen the film and I’m already confused.
8. Live Forever
This poster is for a documentary that focuses on British pop culture in the mid to late 90s. Excuse me while a stifle a yawn.
I’m going to go ahead and take a wild guess at this point. I believe a class of English schoolchildren may have in fact created this poster in an attempt to save money. You don’t believe me? Well, just take a moment and give it a good look.
We’ve got some butterflies sprinkled around the background. To me, this only further proves my argument. I mean, little kids like butterflies, right? Otherwise, I have no idea what butterflies would have to do with British pop culture (unless catching insects was a big fad across the pond).
Hey, check out the lovely puke green color scheme. Frankly, this poster looks more like a banner you’d see during St. Patrick’s Day than an advertisement for a film.
And then there’s the lettering. This is especially what leads me to believe that the poster was crafted by rosy-cheeked little Brits. You see, it’s barely legible. I’ve got it right on my computer screen at the moment, and I’m having to squint to read it (and I wear glasses). Maybe bad penmanship was another late 90’s fad in the UK.
7. Alice
Nothing gets me more psyched up for a movie than the image of Mia Farrow’s homely face. Well, maybe Mia Farrow in a red hat.
What’s that?! This poster has both?! Well, please excuse me while I go masturbate.
First off, this is a Woody Allen movie where Woody Allen’s name is buried deep down among the credits. Way to promote your star director! Instead, the film relies on the vast starpower of Mia Farrow (snicker).
Apparently, all we need to know about this film is that Mia Farrow plays a character named Alice, and she wears a red hat. Now if that’s not a compelling plot, then I don’t know what it. For that matter, we can’t even be sure that she plays Alice, because they’ve neglected to include any helpful lines like “Mia Farrow is Alice.” Maybe the red hat is named Alice.
It’s just all so very confusing. But, man, that is one really cool-looking hat.
6. Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
This movie is considered one of the all-time worst by both critics and fans. Not content with that distinction, the makers of the film also designed a poster so crappy that they were sure to be included on this prestigious list. I have to give credit where credit’s due; whoever was calling the shots for this one was certainly ambitious.
The only people who could possibly love this poster would be the same idiots who fawned over that horrible dancing baby nonsense in the late 90s. Children certainly have their place, but it ain’t plastered all over the front of a movie poster.
It just shows a complete and utter lack of imagination. Let’s throw four toddlers on the poster, give them some sunglasses, and then dress them in diapers that have superhero-looking belts. Yep, that’s real inventive.
But I guess the designers felt that wasn’t enough. Since they didn’t want to cheat the viewer (and since they had to actually fill up the rest of the space), they decided to throw a bunch of random crap in the background. We’ve got a couple of cheesy helicopters, some kind of house, a man walking towards us, and I think I see a butt-plug floating around way in the back.
I don’t have any children of my own, and this poster makes me want to keep it that way. Too bad the parents of the poster’s designers didn’t feel the same way.
5. Hercules in New York
Made in 1970, this movie (also known as Hercules Goes Bananas and simply Hercules) was the first feature role for Arnold Schwarzenegger. Much like Baby Geniuses 2, this also happens to be considered a contender for the worst film of all time. In fact, Arnold’s accent was so thick that his lines were dubbed over by another actor.
With his large forehead and freakish muscles on display, the future action movie king looks to me to be dressed only in a towel. In some ways, I think this poster could easily be mistaken as an ad for a gay porno.
And what’s up with the red energy which seems to be coming from his hands? Maybe I’m a little fuzzy on my mythology, but I thought Hercules was known for his strength, not for his ability to incinerate foes with laser beams. Then again, maybe those are the headlights of an 18-wheeler bearing down on a drunken Schwarzenegger as he stumbles down the highway dressed only in a towel. Who knows?
Whatever the case, the poster does an incredibly poor job of indicating the kind of action we might see in the film. With a barren black background, all we know for sure is that we’re going to see lots of some unknown muscular guy wearing a towel.
Great idea for a gay porno. Horrible idea for anything else.
4. The Aristocrats
An obscenely funny film, The Aristocrats also featured an obscenely unimaginative poster. No doubt, optometrists everywhere were celebrating as this jumbled mess instantly struck many viewers blind.
Just look at all those letters. Could they really be more cluttered together? I know that 100 different comedians participated in the making of the film, but was it really necessary to try and list every single one?
And there’s no way in hell that someone could decipher anything from this poster unless they were standing right in front of it and examining the words very carefully. And even at close range, it’s easy to get lost and mistake first names for last names and vice versa.
Without a doubt, this is one that would have benefited from a more streamlined design. While the movie itself was hilarious, the joke was on the viewer when it came to the poster.
3. Big Momma’s House 2
Martin Lawrence and Eddie Murphy seem to have an obsession with dressing up in fat suits. Big Mamma’s House 2 takes the practice into the realm of the obscene (with a lot of help from this train wreck of a poster).
It’s not often that a movie poster treats us to a morbidly obese woman in cornrows and a swimsuit, and since the woman is actually Martin Lawrence in drag, it’s even more disturbing. Really, I defy you to find another poster that’s as disgusting and doesn’t feature Murphy or Lawrence.
And what’s up with that little dog in the corner? Is that intended to be funny, balance out the composition of the poster, or are we supposed to assume that the poor little fellow is about to be trampled by Big Mamma? It’s no doubt a riddle of sphinx-like proportions.
While the poster (and film) were almost universally panned by critics, Big Mamma’s House 2 went on to make over 100 million dollars worldwide. This is, no doubt, a sign of the coming apocalypse.
2. Outrageous!
Here’s a quick quiz for you. Let’s say that you’re making a film which features all kinds of outrageous material. In fact, the film is even going to be called Outrageous!. Would you:
a. Design a poster that demonstrates some the movie’s outrageousness and really gets the viewer excited about seeing the film?
or…..
b. Just throw the word Outrageous! up against a solid red background, call it a day, and go home to take a nap?
If you answered B, then you’re more than qualified to design movie posters.
Honestly, does any more even need to be said about this one? The poster literally tells us nothing about the film except that it’s supposed to be outrageous. But since film is a visual medium, it might have been helpful to actually show us something…anything.
I thought some of the previous posters on the list showed a lazy streak by the designers, but this one really takes the cake. Hope that freakin’ nap was worth it.
1. Superman 3
The image that killed a franchise. I mean, seriously, this poster just looks like a completely half-ass attempt. Someone should have lost their job over this one.
First off, there’s the background. When I think of compelling colors, tan is not always at the top of my list. So what do the designers of this poster do? They go and fill the entire background with sleep-inducing tan cliffs and canyons.
And check out the secret area that Supes and Pryor are coming out of. Where does it lead? Who cares? I mean, if you really wanted a secret entrance into the side of a mountain to mean something, you might consider making it larger than an inch or two on the poster.
Then there’s the poster’s biggest problem, which is the central image of Richard Pryor and Christopher Reeve. Could this possibly look any less heroic? Reeve channels the ambiguous look of the Mona Lisa, while Pryor yells in terror (a hallmark of any Pryor film - I’m surprised they didn’t throw in Gene Wilder somewhere).
And let’s not forget the fact that the movie is about Superman, not Richard Pryor. Hell, they might as well have had Robert Vaughn riding piggyback.
Not only is this poster horrible, it’s also a prime example of people just mailing it in. Give any fanboy with PhotoShop about five minutes and you’d see much better results.
Folks, it doesn’t get any worse than this.
Download it all here
