Jim McKay helped me make sense of sports and I miss him during this Olympic season.

All my life, he’d be there every weekend to explain the mysteries of the luge, to ignore the horrendous scoring of the Russian judges in ice skating or to root for Nadia Comanici in gymnastics.

Most people don’t realize that it was McKay’s voice who said, “Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of sports. the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat. (Here’s where the skier falls). The human drama of athletic competition, this is ABC’s Wide World of Sports.” Listen to how cool he was.

Well, according to Forbes magazine, the top three male earners are Tiger Woods in first place (of course), David Beckham second and Michael Jordan tied with Phil Mickelson for third. Of course, MJ is still getting stiffed (I mean,) paid by Nike — who earned $800 million off the Jordan name last year.

In a move that sort of defines idiot, Rudy Giulani’s son Andrew sued Duke because they cut him from the golf team. He alleges that they cut him without cause — since they wanted to halve the size of their golf team. Of course, to anyone who resides in this place we all call reality, the school’s desire to make the team smaller would be the cause.

If revenge is a dish best served cold, you can bet that Greg Norman and Chris Evert are enjoying some frosty snacks right now.

They have finally admitted that their marriage began as an extramarital affair. According to Evert, the Great White Shark has mad skills, prompting her to say, “It (their love) was like an irresistible force.”

Or, to misquote Jay-Z, if you’re having girl problems, Shark feels bad for you, son. He might have a few problems, but his ex ain’t one.

Ever since 1962 Roll Call has hosted a baseball game between the Democrats and Republicans (pictured) of Congress. Last night, the Republicans continued their winning streak with a 5-2 victory. But the win didn’t come without some sacrifice, namely, a wound caused by an unplanned caucus between Congressman Chip Pickering’s metal bat and some unlucky guy’s face. The guy survived.

From Shaq and Kobe to Maria Sharapova and Nomar Garciaparra, top athletes are moving to Manhattan Beach to put down roots. The LA Times says it’s all about convenience.

roger clemens has to pay those mounting legal bills somehow. The former yankees ace, now awaiting word from Congress on his steroid scandal, has sold his Bentley to “Rock of Love” star Bret Michaels. “Bret is a big fan of Roger’s and the car is fabulous,” said an insider. “Clemens is apparently selling his lavish goods to pay his legal fees.” Michaels was overheard gushing about his new ride Friday at the House of Blues in Atlantic City. Clemens’ agent did not return calls. - NYPost

Sacha Baron Cohen makes a living by making fools of people…but the funny-man known for playing wise-ass characters Borat and Ali G recently had the tables turned on him by someone who is not normally known for being funny at all.

That normally unfunny individual is none other than heavyweight champion Wladimir Klitschko. Mr. Klitschko, it turns out, is originally from Kazakhstan…the nation mercilessly ridiculed by Sacha Baron Cohen in his hit film Borat. Klitschko was recently given a chance to avenge the people of Kazakhstan when he happened to run into Cohen and his wife Isla Fisher at a restaurant. As Wladimir himself recounted:

As he walked past me I turned to face him and said, “Hey, I think you are an arsehole for what you said about Kazakhstan.” Unbelievably, he started to defend himself – but before he could continue I stood up and was towering over him. I said, “I have broken people’s necks for less than what you have done.”

He looked frightened – like he had picked a fight with the wrong man. And then I owned up and told him I really think his Borat character is amazing. He looked pretty relieved!

I like Borat as much as the next person…but I have to admit, there’s a certain gratification in knowing that elitist punk Cohen got at least a little taste of his own medicine.

I mean, let’s face it…funny as Borat is, the whole thing is really just a trashing of America. One has a strange mix of reactions while watching it. You’re laughing uproariously at the antics, then you’re thinking, “Hey. He’s bad-mouthing my country that limey jerk!”

Actually, the more I think about it, the angrier I become. Now I wish Klitschko had gone farther than just playing with Cohen. I wish he’d broken him in half over his knee then grabbed his woman and climbed the Empire State Building like King Kong!

We’ve had Dempsey vs. Tunney, Louis vs. Schmeling, Liston vs. Patterson and Ali vs. Frazier. But are you ready for Canseco vs. Sikahema?

That’s the fight promoter Damon Feldman is promising us as part of his new celebrity boxing extravaganza. A steroid-fueled baseball-star-turned-snitch vs. an obscure former NFL return-specialist.

This from the man who already dazzled us by getting Tonya Harding and Danny Bonaduce into the ring. What, no Flava Flav? No Vanilla Ice?

The juicy celebrity boxing match-up possibilities would endless. Ryan O’Neal vs. Tatum O’Neal. Denise Richards vs. Charlie Sheen. Andy Dick vs. Sobriety. But…we’re getting Jose Canseco vs. Vai Sikahema.

It’s possible Mr. Feldman isn’t trying hard enough.

yankees superstud Derek Jeter was seen out to dinner with Friday Night Lights star Minka Kelly (who may want to get herself a Valtrex prescription right about now). This keeps alive Jeter’s streak of scoring with famous women. The rundown:

Mariah Carey - Butterfly-fixated fugboat singer. Derek must’ve been incredibly drunk to think this cow was worth a screw. Or maybe she was a slumpbuster. Now I know why he moved on to the gold thong. Swinging strikeout.
Jordana Brewster - Googled her. Very nice-looking girl. One day, if her career takes off, Derek may revisit her. Stand-up triple.
Adriana Lima - Not sure why Derek would go out with her since, as we know, she doesn’t spread her legs for anyone except Marko Jaric. She’s hot but the lack of action downgrades this one. Ground-rule double.
Vanessa Minnillo - Cute but boring. And she drinks a whole lot. She was probably just too wild for Derek who may like to enjoy himself but is still an athlete who’s serious about taking care of his body. Plus her knife fixation probably freaked him out. Dribbler through the infield.
Jessica Alba - Mixed results for Derek. On the one hand, he helped his reputation immeasurably by nailing possibly the most drooled-over woman on the face of the earth. On the other hand…he gave her herpes and everyone found out. Deep drive to center…caught at the wall.
Scarlett Johansson - Nothing to quarrel with here. Hot Hollywood starlet with fabulous knockers. Derek would’ve held on longer but, you know, she started talking. Two-run double.
Jessica Biel - Oh Derek…are you really into trannies? You and Ronaldinho. Weak pop-up to third.
Minka Kelly - What’s not to like here? She’s young. She’s a rising star. She’s very beautiful. Plus, she doesn’t seem to mind that Derek is getting older and starting to lose his hair. He’d better hold on to her…or wait a couple years until Miley Cyrus is legal. Two-run homer!