Tony Parker had to endure this every time he went to the free-throw line on one end of the court Tuesday night…a life-sized cut-out of his wife Eva Longoria dressed in a skimpy little outfit clutching a basketball.

The tactic could be very effective I suppose. Like, for instance, if he just had a fight with her, and seeing her made him angry and distracted.

There’s a way the Eva cut-out ploy could really backfire though. Imagine Tony standing there seeing the Eva cut-out and thinking, “Wow. My wife is really hot. And famous. And rich. And I’m just this weird-looking little dirty French dude. Damn. I better keep making money or there’s no way I’ll be able to hold on to her. I can’t miss these free throws!”

Yes, the cut-out could actually motivate Tony to play better. Or, it could make him feel incredibly guilty about the hooker he slept with the night before. Then who knows…it might jack him up or it might send him spiraling into despair. The whole thing is incredibly complicated.

(picture: FanHouse/Getty)

Jessica Simpson’s reps are denying the story, reported yesterday by yours truly, that she and Tony Romo have reached the end of their much-publicized romance.

Jess and Tony may still be together for now…but wait till she gets a load of the pics fat disgusting gossip pigboat Perez Hilton has posted on his site.

That’s Tony this weekend in Chicago…and clearly, that is not Jessica. It is in fact a bimbo Jerry Jones hired specifically to break Tony and Jessica up. Those two crazy kids never had a chance.

(pictures: Perez Hilton)

Cowboys fans, break out your happy-dancing boots…it looks like Tony Romo has given Jessica Simpson the old heave-ho.

Here’s the skinny from a Chicago website called TheseBootsWereMadeForStalking.com:

Tony Romo had a bachelor-style hard partying weekend in the Windy City these past couple of days and now we know why. We exclusively have learned that Romo and girlfriend Jessica Simpson have broken up!

Romo partied with several of his college buddies from his alma mater Eastern Illinois over the weekend and he told them on Saturday night that him and Simpson were on the outs.

“They’re broken up,” according to a pal of the Dallas Cowboys quarterback. “He told us they broke up and that was that. We’re guys so we didn’t talk about it much.”

The story goes on to describe Romo’s fun weekend of miniature golf and Grey Goose and Diet Cokes. And hitting on blondes…who weren’t Jessica.

And then of course there was his unfortunate Wrigley Field appearance which we won’t rehash.

Yeah, so Jessica is gone. Now Cowboys fans will have to find a new excuse for their playoff chokes.

(picture: ABCnews.com)

Jimmy Kimmel gives ESPN’s E:60 what it deserves for the way they ambushed Miguel Tejada over his age lie.

Yes, the Tejada age story was a legit story and should’ve been covered…but not with some Chris Hansen-like “gotcha” interview. What a bunch of shit that was. Here’s the original Tejada clip:

By the way, on the Kimmel bit…Tony Parker, black or French? Neither. He’s Martian.

Elisha Cuthbert likes her some hockey players. Here we see the Canadian cutie in the company of her beau Dion Phaneuf of the Calgary Flames.

Phaneuf? Gayest name ever. Good thing he has a hot girlfriend to prove his manhood with…over and over again in numerous different positions, their bodies bathed in exotic oils and sweat.

Why couldn’t I have been born in Canada and learned to play hockey? I might’ve bagged Elisha Cuthbert too. Given the number of hockey players she’s dated, I’d say my odds would’ve been pretty good.

(picture: Hollywood Tuna)

Tyler Hansbrough…

jumped off a balcony into a swimming pool…in his socks.

David Blaine…

held his breath for 17 minutes underwater on Oprah.

Who is the bigger idiot?

Clearly, Tyler Hansbrough. Why? Because jumping off a balcony into a swimming pool at a frat party is stupid if you are a top-level college basketball player who has a promising and lucrative NBA career ahead of him.

David Blaine is a daredevil…that’s what he does for a living. Without stunts like holding his breath for 17 minutes underwater no one would know or care anything about him. But Tyler Hansbrough will one day make his money playing basketball…not as a daredevil. If he destroys his knee jumping into the pool, that all goes away.

Hansbrough is plain dumb. Blaine? He’s just an attention-starved looney.

(picture: 850thebuzz.com)

A week ago, a rumor started circulating that Heat star Dwyane Wade was seeing celebrity lawyer Star Jones. This was ridiculous on several levels. One, Dwyane is married. Two, Star is not actually a human being, meaning Dwyane would not be able to have sex with her.

Anyway, the rumors got big enough that Dwyane felt the need to address them. And address them he did, during a segment with his Fav Five buddy Charles Barkley and Barkley’s little sidekicks Kenny Smith and Ernie Johnson.

Charles thinks Star is a “cougar” who’s preying on Dwyane Wade. That’s actually quite a compliment to Star. She’s usually compared to other animals, like whales and hippos. Not so much since she lost all that weight though. Now she looks like the corpse of a whale or a hippo. One that’s been lying out in the sun for a long time and become mummified.

Not an attractive woman. And Dwyane is married. Married people don’t mess around like that. Right roger clemens?

Orioles farmhand Doug Reinhardt has bagged himself a TV star…Lauren Conrad of MTV’s vomitous The Hills.

I’m not sure if this counts as an accomplishment for Reinhardt or not. I mean, I guess it’s a big deal to be going out with someone famous. Then again, it’s Lauren Conrad…it’s possible Doug isn’t really seeing her, but is only being paid to pretend he’s seeing her.

I don’t trust anything when it comes to those MTV fakes. For all I know Lauren Conrad doesn’t even exist but is only CGI.

Actually, I take that back…if you were gonna make some CGI chick for a TV show, you’d actually make her hot, unlike Lauren Conrad.

(picture: thehollywoodgossip.com)

We love Dancing with the Stars because it’s an awkward combination of sports and celebrity. And tonight, we proved that as Christian Delafuente pulled up lame with an arm injury despite not really doing anything athletic. Awesome.

Here’s an image I hoped to get through my entire life without having to experience: Legendary pitcher roger clemens and his girlfriend Mindy McCready partying with Bill Clinton’s mistress Monica Lewinsky and NBA legend Michael Jordan.

In case you hadn’t heard, it was revealed on Monday that Roger carried on a long affair with oft-imprisoned country singer McCready, beginning in the early ’90s when Ms. McCready was a fresh young lass of 15 (Roger denies it, but he pretty much denies everything these days). The string of revelations now continues with the news that Roger and Mindy hobnobbed with numerous celebs during their crazy nights out in New York, include the aforementioned ’90s icons.

The New York Daily News reports:

Sources say that when McCready, now 32, and Clemens were together, there was barely any friction between them. The two were known to take lavish trips to Las Vegas and New York. One time, McCready attended a Yankees game at the Stadium and jokingly donned a catcher’s mask near the home dugout. During another Big Apple excursion, the two holed up in the trendy SoHo Grand and later partied with Monica Lewinsky and Michael Jordan. McCready, according to a source, even bummed a cigar off His Airness to give to Clemens.

Mindy bumming a cigar off Jordan is fine…as long as she didn’t bum one off Monica. Cause God knows where that cigar might’ve been.

Actually, I don’t think God would want to know. And neither do I. This story makes me feel icky on too many levels to articulate. I mean, think about it…Roger having sex with Mindy when she was 15. That’s as old as Miley Cyrus is now.

Holy crap…you don’t think Roger is after Miley too do you? If anyone notices a big, sweaty-palmed Roger Clemens-looking guy in a Hannah Montana shirt…it really is Roger Clemens and you should probably call the cops or maybe animal control. But whatever you do, don’t make eye contact with him.