81-year-old Penn State coach Joe Paterno was taken to the hospital Thursday morning with dehydration. He was not admitted to the hospital, but did undergo tests, and was expected to leave sometime Thursday afternoon.

Jay Paterno, Joe’s son and quarterbacks coach at PSU, said the old man was fine.

“It’s no big deal,” the younger Paterno said. “If it’s dehydration, he’s probably all talked out.”

No Jay…if it’s dehydration, he’s probably an 81-year-old duffer who needs to stop running all over creation. Dude’s gonna keel over one of these days. Although, to be honest, I’d probably prefer dying with my boots on than in some shit-reeking nursing home.

Former USC hoops star O.J. Mayo is denying allegations that he accepted over $30,000 in cash and gifts from an event promoter while still in high school and college.

“I don’t know anything about it,” Mayo said when asked about the allegations. “It caught me by surprise. I’ve got to get to L.A. to see what’s going on. I’m just focusing on the draft.”

Mayo is expected to be a lottery pick in the upcoming NBA Draft after one successful year at USC.

No doubt, these allegations will be a distraction to Mayo as he begins what will be a lucrative career as a professional. Or should I say, as he continues what has already been a lucrative career as a professional.

The accusations, by the way, are coming from a man named Louis Johnson who is described as an “ex-confidante” of Mayo’s. And what exactly happened to make Johnson an “ex” confidante?

Must’ve been something bad for Johnson to decide to sell Mayo out like this. I think he blew it though. He should’ve tried blackmailing Mayo instead. That’s what I would’ve done. Of course I’m evil…but whatever.

Tyler Hansbrough…

jumped off a balcony into a swimming pool…in his socks.

David Blaine…

held his breath for 17 minutes underwater on Oprah.

Who is the bigger idiot?

Clearly, Tyler Hansbrough. Why? Because jumping off a balcony into a swimming pool at a frat party is stupid if you are a top-level college basketball player who has a promising and lucrative NBA career ahead of him.

David Blaine is a daredevil…that’s what he does for a living. Without stunts like holding his breath for 17 minutes underwater no one would know or care anything about him. But Tyler Hansbrough will one day make his money playing basketball…not as a daredevil. If he destroys his knee jumping into the pool, that all goes away.

Hansbrough is plain dumb. Blaine? He’s just an attention-starved looney.

(picture: 850thebuzz.com)

Arizona State no longer has a cheerleading squad. This after several ASU cheerleaders were featured on the site TheDirty.com in their underwear.

No, Annie Leibovitz did not take the pictures.

Actually, the pictures are reportedly more than two years old. The cheerleaders say the school has been considering getting rid of the cheer squad for a long time and it was only fluke timing that the pic showed up on The Dirty right before the decision was made.

Yeah right…the school was planning on dumping cheerleading for years and just coincidentally decided to finally do it right after a bunch of the hos got their slutty pics on the internet.

It’s time for us to face reality…cheerleading is lame, and all cheerleaders should be done away with. If you want to look at mostly fugly chicks with stocky builds jumping around, just hire Ashley Dupre and some of her friends. I believe Charlie Sheen has the number.

(picture: TheDirty.com)

Les Miles was pretty patient with quarterback Ryan Perrilloux…some people thought too patient. But now that patience has run out, and Miles has booted the troubled Perrilloux from the team.

“Ryan was given every opportunity to be a part of this football team,” Miles said in a statement. “In the end, he didn’t fulfill his obligation as an LSU student-athlete. We hope that a new beginning will benefit him.

“I wish Ryan and his family nothing but the best in any of his future endeavors.”

Perrilloux accumulated troublesome issues the last few months faster than roger clemens racks up mistresses. Included among these was a counterfeiting investigation, getting nabbed trying to enter a casino with a fake ID, a nightclub fight and a suspension for missing team meetings and work-outs.

Perrilloux was on a short leash. Apparently, he didn’t do the academic and conditioning work that were required of him if he wanted to stay on the team.

Miles had no choice but to get rid of him. Now, redshirt freshman Jarrett Lee and junior Andrew Hatch will compete for the starting QB spot on the National Champion LSU team. Hopefully those young men will value the opportunity more than loser-ass Perrilloux, who can now look forward to a nice future as a fry-cook or perhaps a man-whore.

You’ve probably heard the story by now: Western Oregon softball player Sara Tucholsky hits her first career home run against Central Washington; except, it’s not going to be a home run because Tucholsky tears her ACL rounding the bases, and by rule, she will only be awarded a double because she can’t make it all the way home.

That’s when a couple of Central Washington players step in. They decide that Tucholsky deserves her home run, so, since the rules say Tucholsky’s teammates can’t touch her, they pick her up and carry her around the bases themselves.

A beautiful act of sportsmanship…in the eyes of some. However, far from being the act of supreme magnanimity some wish to be, I believe the whole thing is a crock of shit that sends a bad message to the youth of America.

I mean, let’s face it people…America is in a bad way. We are losing our edge in the world…and why? Because America’s sports heroes are all a bunch of pansies.

If Sara Tucholsky were a real American, like the hardy pioneer women who came before her, she would’ve dragged herself around those bases rather than accept the charity of those two well-meaning but misguided Central Washington babes.

I mean, it was just a little torn ACL…nothing compared to what the women who made America great had to put up with. Those women would be out in the fields picking whatever, and suddenly they’d give birth, pick up the baby and dust it off and put it to their teat, and then go right back to work. They had guts. But Sara Tucholsky? She feels a little twinge in her knee, and right away she needs someone to carry her.

And what about those two Central Washington broads? Sure, they did a kind thing…but what about the long-term ramifications? Will we now end up with whole generations of children who think being a good sport is more important than winning? Where will America end up then? I’ll tell you where…as a wholly-owned subsidiary of the People’s Republic of China.

It’s time for us to wake up and realize that, if we don’t get our killer instinct back as a nation, we are pretty much doomed. And how do we teach killer instinct anyway? Through sports.

America was a great nation back in the early part of the 20th Century…and why? Because we had a bunch of namby-pamby sporting heroes lugging each other around the bases? No…because we had real sporting heroes who set a real example for America’s youth. Like Ty Cobb, who wasn’t content with just winning, but would also try to eviscerate his opponents with his spikes if he got the chance. There was a real American. I mean, what do you think Ty would’ve done if faced with a situation like the crippled softball player? You think he would’ve picked anyone up and helped them home? Hell no…he would’ve stomped on them to make sure they didn’t get up.

And that’s exactly the mentality America has to get back to if it wants to regain its standing in the world. Sportsmanship be damned…give me some good old fashioned grit and fortitude. I for one do not want to spend the next hundred years eating chow mein while watching terrible Chinese TV. Give me cheeseburgers or give me death!

Player of the Year Tyler Hansbrough has decided not to join the parade of high-profile college basketball stars into the NBA, but will instead stick around for his senior season at North Carolina.

Hansbrough’s teammates Ty Lawson and Wayne Ellington will, however, declare for the draft, but will not hire agents.

Hansbrough scored 22 ppg this season while averaging 10 rebounds. He led the Tar Heels to a 36-3 record and an appearance in the Final Four, where the team lost to eventual champions Kansas.

Several big-time college stars have already left early for the draft this off-season, including super-freshmen Michael Beasley, O.J. Mayo, Eric Gordon and Kevin Love.

Highly-rated Plant Senior (Florida) High School quarterback Aaron Murray has elected to spurn his home-state Gators and play his college ball with the Georgia Bulldogs instead.

The 6-1, 200 lb. Murray was also considering UCLA. He joins Zach Mettenberger as a second Florida quarterback in Georgia’s recruiting class.

Murray threw for over 4,000 yards and ran for more than 900 more as a junior, and was named Florida’s Mr. Football for 4A schools.

10 different schools were vying to land Immaculata (N.J.) High School running back Theo Riddick, including Notre Dame, Penn State, Boston College, Pitt, Syracuse, Rutgers, West Virginia and Maryland. In the end, Riddick chose to verbally commit to Notre Dame.

As a sophomore two years ago, Riddick set the Immaculata school record for touchdowns with 23, while leading it to a 12-0 record and the NJSIAA Non-Public Group 3 title. Injuries hampered him last year as a junior however - he played only 10 games, scoring 13 touchdowns and running for 1192 yards.

Riddick is listed as a four-star recruit by Rivals.com.