2008 could go down in history as the year of the cradle-robbing ex-All-Star.

First we learned about roger clemens’ possible affair with a then-15-year-old Mindy McCready, and now comes word that ex-Jazz superstar Karl Malone once fathered a child with a woman who was only 13.

The child, Demetrius Bell, was just drafted in the seventh round by the Buffalo Bills. Had it not been for this, the world might never have learned about his father Malone’s relationship with barely-teenage Gloria Bell, which happened while Malone was attending Louisiana Tech.

Malone had never acknowledged Bell as his child. Father and son reportedly met when Bell was 18, but Malone simply blew him off, saying it was “too late” to be his father, and that the kid would have to “earn his own money.”

Earning money will not be a problem for Bell if his NFL career works out. Getting into heaven might be a problem for Karl Malone given the way he’s behaved on earth.

It becomes a tiny bit more uncomfortable when you realize that Malone has accepted some of his other illegitimate children, including WNBA player Cheryl Ford, whom Malone fathered while he was in high school. For some reason Malone has deemed Bell unworthy. Could it be the shame of knowing the mother was only 13 when he impregnated her?

Clearly, Mr. Malone is a world-class scumbag. It will be interesting to see what happens with Demetrius Bell’s career…if he becomes a star in the NFL, will Malone suddenly have a change-of-heart and decide to claim him?

No one was shocked when, despite already having six QBs (including Jake Plummer who is technically still their property), the Buccaneers drafted a quarterback over the weekend. Clearly, Jon Gruden feels the same way about quarterbacks that Imelda Marcos felt about shoes: Enough is never enough.

Of course, unlike Imelda and her shoes, Jon isn’t going to be able to keep all his quarterbacks. Tampa will not go into camp with more than five. Which means two guys are going to be axed fairly soon.

It’s not hard to read the tea leaves on which two guys will be the first out the door. Tampa has already reportedly floated Bruce Gradkowski’s name in trade talks, so you can bet his stay in Grudenland will not last much longer. And it’s been no secret for awhile that Chris Simms’ chances of remaining a Buccaneer were slim to none.

So Gradkowski and Simms are both probably gone. And of course Plummer will not be playing so you can forget about him. That leaves Tampa with four guys: Brian Griese, Jeff Garcia, Josh Johnson (the guy they just drafted) and Luke McCown.

According to Bucs Report, McCown may also be used as trade-bait. So, if you were a betting man, you would want to put your money on Garcia, Griese and Johnson being the three Buccaneers quarterbacks when the season opens.

Unless Gruden sees something else he likes between then and now.

The Bears’ never-ending quest to replace Sid Luckman at quarterback continues with their signing of Colorado State’s Caleb Hanie and Southern Illnois’ Nick Hill as undrafted free agents.

The more intriguing of the two is Hanie, a guy Mel Kiper was high on after his solid senior season as leader of the Rams. Hanie must’ve bought into the hype about himself, because it shocked him when the draft ended and he hadn’t been picked.

“I couldn’t believe it. I thought for sure I’d be drafted,” Hanie said.

Hanie and Hill will compete with Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton, both of whom served as starters with the Bears in 2007. That’s a situation where an unheralded young guy might really have a chance to break in and play…because, you know, Grossman and Orton both suck ass.

David Vobora was the last pick of the draft, earning the former Idaho linebacker the distinction of being Mr. Irrelevant for 2008.

Do they still have a ceremony for Mr. Irrelevant? I think he gets a gift certificate from Sizzler or something.

Last year’s Mr. Irrelevant, Ramzee Robinson, played in 6 games for the Lions, notching 7 tackles as a special teamer.

The Rams got the honor of picking last this year. They also picked #2 overall, taking Chris Long. They were pretty much hammered by Mel Kiper for taking receiver Donnie Avery in the second round.

Hawaii quarterback Colt Brennan put up huge numbers in his career, but huge numbers in college do not necessarily translate into big interest on draft day.

Brennan became seen over time as a system quarterback who racked up stats against inferior teams. His stock really took a hit when he struggled against Georgia in Hawaii’s bowl game, then when he played poorly in the Senior Bowl after suffering a hip injury.

In a few short months, Brennan went from a Heisman hopeful and possible first-rounder to a pile of dogmeat who would be lucky to get drafted at all. In the end, there was at least one team willing to take a flier on him: the Washington Redskins, who selected Brennan with their sixth-round pick.

Brennan will have a lot of work to do if he wants to ever make a dent as an NFL QB. First he’ll have to recover from his injury, and take off some of the weight he’s reportedly put on during the off-season. Then he’ll have to develop for a long time behind Jason Campbell. It’s unlikely, however, that Brennan will ever be a significant NFL player.

The Seahawks felt like they didn’t have enough insanity on their team. They remedied the situation by drafting West Virginia fullback Owen Schmitt in the fifth round.

To be fair, I have no idea if Schmitt is actually certifiably insane. But, I can make certain assumptions based on this famous video of him beating himself in the head with his helmet after a bad pooch punt.

You have to like that guy’s fire and dedication. Not so much his brains and pooch punting ability. The Seahawks have drafted a decent receiver and runner at fullback but only an average blocker. And if they have an ugly contest there, this dude will win every year.

(picture: everydayshouldbesaturday.com)

Are the Miami Dolphins trying to send Jason Taylor a message?

Jason may be too busy practicing his tango moves to care. Nevertheless, the Dolphins have been conspicuously aggressive in stocking up on defensive ends in this draft.

On day one, the Fins took Clemson DE Phillip Merling. At the start of day two, they traded down a couple of spots with the Lions, then used their third-rounder to select Hampton’s Kendall Langford.

Langford, somewhat optimistically I would say, compares himself to New England Pro-Bowler Richard Seymour.

“He’s a bigger end that can play tackle, and he’s a physical guy, not a speed guy,” Langford said. “That’s how I look at myself.”

Langford is expected to play end in the Dolphins’ 3-4 defense.

The Bears lost their top two receivers from last year when they allowed both Bernard Berrian and Mushin Muhammad to leave.

Now the Bears face the prospect of having to use Devin Hester more on offense. Hester, however, is not a wide receiver.

Earl Bennett of Vanderbilt, on the other hand, is a wide receiver. The Bears drafted Bennett with the 7th pick of the 3rd round, passing on generally more-highly-regarded players like Mario Manningham and Early Doucet.

“Really, he’s done it without having a strong quarterback the last two years [since Jay Cutler played with him as a rookie],” Bears college scouting director Greg Gabriel said. “He’s highly competitive, he’s a great route runner and he has excellent hands. He’s very good after the catch and on top of that, his character is impeccable.”

Look out Tom Brady, there’s a new quarterback on the roster in New England.

Yes, the Patriots have spent a 3rd round compensatory pick on a signal-caller - Kevin OConnell of San Diego State. It’s a little too early to project this guy as Brady’s heir-apparent however. More likely, he’s the heir-apparent to Matt Cassell, Brady’s seldom-seen back-up.

Then again, Drew Bledsoe probably wasn’t too worried about his job when the Patriots drafted Brady either. And look what happened. One little injury and Bledsoe goes from franchise QB to afterthought. Brady ends up with the Super Bowl glory and the supermodels, and Bledsoe winds up retired and bitter.

I hope Tom’s ankle is feeling okay.

The NFL draft is on, Mel Kiper’s laughable hair and Chris Berman and those other squares;
Every team with a dream is making their schemes,
Kickin’ it in the war room, gettin’ nervous in the green room;
waitin’ to hear your name called, hopin’ to get your game on,
If you’re Jake Long or the son of Howie Long, that phone’s gonna ring at last and all your poverty will be a thing of the past.

With the first pick in the 2008 draft the Miami Dolphins select
a Michigan man who is proud to accept
the honor of being the #1 prospect
Jake Long the blind-side protector.
Roger Goodell is the man with the card, ain’t no retard,
told Pacman to go think real hard
about his rainmaking proclivities
and other unlawful activities.

The Commish has the handshake for all the new recruits in their manly suits,
a new dish of Chris for the Rams of St. Louis,
and forget about Michael Vick and his dog mutilations
in Atlanta there’s a new anticipation
for Matt Ryan and his big right arm come down from Boston
the Falcons will be flyin’ again, not cryin’ over Mike in his prison duds.
In Oakland also there’s a new crop of studs,
like Darren McFadden who you know likes the ladies,
who totes the rock like a demon from Hades.
Got Al Davis thinkin’ “Just Win, Baby.”

But the Chiefs you know like to give the Raiders grief,
they got Glenn Dorsey to plug up the middle,
that could be the answer to the riddle,
of how to climb out of the cellar of the AFC West.
And from the left coast to the east there’s a new pass-rushing beast.
The Jets stole Gholston from the Pats up north,
New York will be hostin’ a whole new roster of guys who be roastin’.

But now it’s time to kick it faster, you’re in the hands of the rappin’ recap master,
Jaguars trading up to take the quarterback blaster,
Derrick Harvey who they said was hardly worthy,
Pats trading down to hold onto the Tennessee Mayo,
and don’t forget about Buffalo snappin up Leodis McMelvin
and the Broncos with a beast named Clady;
Arizona and the three-named man Dominique Rodgers Cromartie.
Now it’s time for the Lions fans to sweat it out,
Matt Millen and his fetish for wide-outs
Lord willin’ he’ll soon be on his way out.
But who the hell is Gosder Cherilus?
That pick is at least somewhat less perilous
than taking yet another wide receiving bum.

Now it’s time for us to hum along, not time to just shlum along,
I’m making up words now to keep up my pow-wow.
Aqib Talib has the freak-rhyming name,
Sam Baker the USC non-faker,
Dallas got Felix Jones and don’t forget about Pacman Jones,
Jerry Jones has more faces than space has spaces.
The draft race is moving toward the second round
but the receivers and quarterbacks are nowhere to be found.
Instead we’re talkin’ about Duane Brown.

Let’s find the Pack somewhere in the second round,
looking for a new messiah with Favre being retired,
Brian Brohm is getting the call, y’all.
And Chad Henne is going to ball in Miami with big fat Tuna Parcells.
By now Mel’s vocal cords have begun to swell.
His hair is wilting in the bright hot lights
and Boomer is jonesin’ for his codeine-laced aspirin.
And there sits Key with his big dumb grin;
where will he be when the season begins?
Catching passes from Henne and getting along with Long.
As long as he ain’t on the air everything will be fair.

Muthafucka